BFRB Changemakers Writing Challenge
Reflection 1 of 100 | Aneela K. Idnani
4 Years Cancer Free: 4 Things Breast Cancer Taught Me
Four years ago, my body forced me to stop.
March 31 marks four years since my double mastectomy.
In honor of turning what could have been a tragedy into a treasured life experience, I want to share four lessons my cancer dance taught me:
1. Your body is the ultimate signal
There is a huge shift toward understanding that your body, heart, and mind are connected. Until just a few years ago, “mental” health was not seen as on par with “physical” health. But now we know mental health is health and the link between them is obvious: when your body fails you, it is a signal that your alignment between body (actions), heart (feelings/beliefs) and mind (thoughts) is off.
A physical illness can be the signal to start asking yourself
“What do I need to do to realign?”
When breast cancer came knocking at my door in 2022, I did this. I asked, “What are you trying to tell me?” and I listened to whispers of my heart for the answers to how my body, mind and heart were misaligned.
My cancer was telling me,
“Aneela, you are doing too much.”
4 years ago, I thought I had to serve everyone, which meant taking a lot of action: running HabitAware, being mom to two young kids (age 5 & 8 at the time), teaching entrepreneurship at Minneapolis College of Art & Design, serving on three non-profit boards (Beta.MN, OCDTwinCities and Launch Minnesota).
I took pride (feeling) in saying “yes” to any request.
With the cancer, I realigned.
Instead of thinking I need to “serve everyone,” I created boundaries through my values:
- serving the BFRB community
- nurturing my spirituality & creativity
- and travel, adventures & fun with my family
The cancer was the alarm that forced me to take action:
- wrapping up the semester and choosing not to return, despite solid reviews from the students and strong support from the department chair,
- and quitting the non-profit boards so I could focus on my health.
I’m still grateful for the experiences of teaching and supporting the non-profits. I learned a lot, I gave a lot, but by saying, “now is not the time for these, I can come back to it later when my kids are older,” I got a lot. I realigned my emotions so that there was less anxiety over all that was on my plate and more joy for what remained.
2. You don’t have to wait until rock bottom to change
Life seems to follow the classic fictional character arc - where the story starts with a character at the lowest of low with a problem and some sort of inciting event that sparks action and change.
Just like in the movies or books, we tend to wait 'til shit hits the fan before making changes. It seems we need the alarm bells blaring to take action, but the truth is, your body whispers long before it screams.
We just ignore and push down the signals. For example, there was always a pit in my stomach after kiddo bedtime, when I knew I had to get up and create a lesson plan, and of course there were my noisy hands - pulling my eyebrows, lashes and head hairs, as a way to manage the imbalance and discomfort I wasn’t awake enough to realize I was experiencing.
So I ask you not to wait for your body's “alarm bells” to ring at rock bottom, and instead sit quietly today and listen to the whispers of your heart.
3. You’ll find out who’s there for you
This one is tricky. After 11 years moving away from New York, I’d lost touch with my bestest of friends. Between the time differences, work, kids’ schedules and sheer exhaustion, it was rare for call times to link up. Friendships are hard to sustain with intermittent texts and a chain of missed calls.
But when I got sick, many friends far and wide came out of the woodwork to reach out, extend love, do Zoom calls, and send sweet care packages.
You’d think I’d be happy - and I did eventually get there, but initially I felt guilt.
See, I had cancer with a “little c” - it was caught so early that all I had to do was a double mastectomy and medication for 5-10 years. The debilitation of chemotherapy and radiation, which is common for cancer patients, was not part of my care plan.
I also felt more anger than gratitude. I can see now the treasure was that my cancer reconnected us, but in the moment I couldn’t see past the Why did it take almost losing me for my friends to reach out? attitude.
So I want to say thank you and sorry to those friends because now I realize that this is true friendship - their returning meant I was still in their hearts.
4. You can’t prepare for the worst AND hope for the best
In the world of manifestation, your expectations (mind) must align with your beliefs/feelings (what you know in your heart to be true) and actions (body). Otherwise, the signals you send to the world become mixed. The Universe can't deliver if its confused.
When my dad was sick with cancer in the ‘90s, we were fearful and angry and that kind of energy contributed to an ending that was not in line with our hope of recovery.
With my cancer, I led with faith, trust and an attitude of gratitude.
Where do you feel misaligned in your body, mind, and heart right now?
Please reach out if you ever want to talk any of this through. I'm wishing you love ♥️, strength 💪, & awareness 👀,
Aneela
Founder, HabitAware & BFRB Changemakers
About the BFRB Changemakers Writing Challenge Series
100 reflections from life, business, healing, and learning to lead with love.
For the next 150 days, I’m sharing 100 reflections — lessons about awareness, healing, building meaningful work, and learning to listen to the whispers before life has to scream — so we can respond with love instead of fear.
These posts come from many parts of my life: as a mom, an entrepreneur, a breast cancer thriver, a highly sensitive human, and someone who has lived for decades with body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs), anxiety, and depression.
But more than anything, I’m writing for a community that has long felt unseen.
BFRBs — including hair pulling, skin picking, and nail biting — affect roughly 1 in 20 people, yet many still struggle in silence and shame without awareness, treatment, or support.
Through this series, I’m also raising funds for BFRB Changemakers — the nonprofit I founded to train clinicians, raise awareness, and build community for people living with body-focused repetitive behaviors.
If this work resonates with you, you can support the mission here:
https://bfrbchangemakers.org/products/make-a-donation
Read the full BFRB Changemakers Writing Challenge Series here:
https://aneelaidnani.com/blogs/soul-fuel
Next reflection:
Whatever awareness reveals next.